Thus, I also find it irresistibly funny when people unintentionally say humorous things about nuts, balls, junk or any other euphemism for testicles. As you can imagine, this happens a lot when you watch kid's shows.
Av's current favorite show is a DVD called 'Count on Sports' starring Bert and Ernie as blazer-clad sports casters teaching children about math through the guise of sports. Putting aside the fact that there is absolutely no way to make math fun- I don't care if you give me a party hat, a fridge full of beer, and a busload of loose women with massage degrees from Blaine Beauty School, if there is a math lesson involved, I'm not going to have fun- the video is actually one of the more entertaining child-geared shows I have watched in a long time.
Bert and Ernie are a naturally funny pair, but when they start talking about balls it becomes even funnier. There are conversations such as this:
Ernie: "While I get started Bert, why don't you count all of the balls"
Bert: "What balls?"
Ernie: "These balls!" (various sports balls fall on his head).
Immature? Yes. Still funny? Yes.
Later on in the show Bert sorts the balls in to piles of small balls, medium balls and big balls. The baby refers to this show simply as 'Ernie Balls.' "Watch Ernie Balls, Daddy?" Ha!
Another one of Av's favorites is an episode of Zaboomafoo that involves a monkey. In all of the learning about the animals there is one segment where they decide that they need to share that the monkey loves nuts. What ensues is a solid 45 seconds of every character saying things like "I love nuts!" or "Monkey's love nuts" or "I think he wants nuts!" Then Zaboo goes over to the snack machine (which I have affectionately renamed the 'snatch machine'), says something along the line of "nuts! nuts! nuts!" and then lets all of the cashews fall on his face and in his mouth. Priceless.
I am always laughing at times like this, which makes Av laugh, too. She thinks it is because the show is funny. Someday she will also see the humor in testicles. Of course, she will not ever know what a testicle looks like because the moment she sees a man without his pants on is the moment I end up in prison, so we are just going to avoid that. I am still pushing for that lesbian thing.
I don't care if that is immature or cheap comedy. It makes me laugh every time. Just like a dad catching a wiffle ball bat in the nuts on America's Funniest Home Videos.
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Over the weekend Monica and I took the baby to a place called the Rainforest Cafe'. This is a restaurant nestled within a mall that is supposed to create the illusion of dining in the rainforest. Without, of course, the poisonous spiders, various tropical bugs, hungry animals, cannibalistic natives or intestinal parasites that eventually burrow out of your ass and eat your entire family.
Instead, there are animatronic jungle creatures, flash thunderstorms, fish tanks everywhere and the occasional screaming monkey. The line for this place wraps around the mall hours before the restaurant opens while efficient, poorly dressed staff members pretend not to freak out about the shear volume of people.
Av absolutely loved the place. She was completely overwhelmed with the visuals and all of the animals. We got to sit next to the elephants, who she was concerned were too hot because of the artificial steam that was coming out of the artificial swamp they were artificially standing in. I have to say, the place is a well-oiled machine and kids love it. It just seems like it would be absolute hell to work at. I get annoyed at work when people get to lout watching games on TV, I can't imagine how I would feel if I was trying to take an order in the middle of an artificial thunder storm.
One thing I will say is that the staff really pushes the booze on the parents, which I appreciate. The whole time we were standing in line I was thinking to myself "Man, I am going to need a beer. But I don't think it is acceptable." I really didn't want to be that guy who orders a beer around hundreds of kids and their judgmental parents. I was almost as conflicted as I was the time that I had to go to a child's christening that also featured an open bar. Talk about inner conflict.
Anyway, I had conceded myself to having to tough out the Rainforest Cafe without the help of beer when the waitress came. She introduced herself, did the whole speech and then immediately turned to the page of alcohol. What I saw was a magical page of tropical drinks in souvenir cups, mix drinks and beer. I ordered a beer and looked around to find bottles of Bud scattered throughout the rainforest and a bold old man sitting next to us sipping on a scotch and water. Ahhh, the rainforest. Not too bad a place after all.
Overall the experience was decent. The kid loved it, there was beer, it wasn't as expensive as it could have been and I was able to make it home before the nachos forced me in to the bathroom. Monica was not so lucky, though. She had to poop at Stop and Shop. Yes, I debated deleting that last line. It is just funnier to leave it. I am prepared for the backlash.
Instead, there are animatronic jungle creatures, flash thunderstorms, fish tanks everywhere and the occasional screaming monkey. The line for this place wraps around the mall hours before the restaurant opens while efficient, poorly dressed staff members pretend not to freak out about the shear volume of people.
Av absolutely loved the place. She was completely overwhelmed with the visuals and all of the animals. We got to sit next to the elephants, who she was concerned were too hot because of the artificial steam that was coming out of the artificial swamp they were artificially standing in. I have to say, the place is a well-oiled machine and kids love it. It just seems like it would be absolute hell to work at. I get annoyed at work when people get to lout watching games on TV, I can't imagine how I would feel if I was trying to take an order in the middle of an artificial thunder storm.
One thing I will say is that the staff really pushes the booze on the parents, which I appreciate. The whole time we were standing in line I was thinking to myself "Man, I am going to need a beer. But I don't think it is acceptable." I really didn't want to be that guy who orders a beer around hundreds of kids and their judgmental parents. I was almost as conflicted as I was the time that I had to go to a child's christening that also featured an open bar. Talk about inner conflict.
Anyway, I had conceded myself to having to tough out the Rainforest Cafe without the help of beer when the waitress came. She introduced herself, did the whole speech and then immediately turned to the page of alcohol. What I saw was a magical page of tropical drinks in souvenir cups, mix drinks and beer. I ordered a beer and looked around to find bottles of Bud scattered throughout the rainforest and a bold old man sitting next to us sipping on a scotch and water. Ahhh, the rainforest. Not too bad a place after all.
Overall the experience was decent. The kid loved it, there was beer, it wasn't as expensive as it could have been and I was able to make it home before the nachos forced me in to the bathroom. Monica was not so lucky, though. She had to poop at Stop and Shop. Yes, I debated deleting that last line. It is just funnier to leave it. I am prepared for the backlash.
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