Following the school incident I canceled my membership and vowed never to set foot at that particular location again. We started going back to the Salem Y, which is old, run down and ghetto, but charming and friendly. We go to art class there and sometimes Monica takes the baby to swim. Someday if I ever feel the need to not have the body of a dad I will probably renew my membership and go to the gym there.
Recently, though, we signed the baby up for a parent/ child open gym. Av loves to go places and just jump around, what kid doesn't? So we figured signing up for a class at the YMCA would be a nice alternative to going over to Route 1 to Monkey Joe's every time. The only problem was that it was at the new location in Marblehead. I was reluctant at first but the concept sounded fun for Av so I agreed. What is the worst that can happen? It is just open gym, I'll be next to her the whole time it is fine.
We started going three weeks ago and what I found was the Marblehead YMCA is the unfriendliest, most irrational place on the planet. I have once again instituted my ban and I can now promise you that I will never, ever make another exception and go there again.
First, lets talk about the staff. At the Salem YMCA there are several entrances. The main entrance has a locked door that an attendant has to open. Upon entering the building the attendant hits the door button and lets you in. Non members are simply asked why they are there and payment is processed if needed, but usually it is because they have signed up and pre-paid for a class and they are let in simply by giving their name. When we go to art class we go in through the side door in to the children's room. We check in with the teacher and we are cool. If someone isn't on the list they send them upstairs to register at the front desk. Simple as that.Most days when we walk in we are greeted with a warm, friendly hello by someone. The teacher knows our names and the staff recognizes us.
To my knowledge no one has ever been raped, kidnapped, murdered, poisoned or anything of the like at the Salem YMCA.
In Marblehead, or 'Legg's Hill' as they like to pretentiously call it because it is carved out of what was once a lovely forest/ rock area long destroyed by towering home developments, they don't give you an inch. There is only one entrance to the building if you are not in the daycare program and it is guarded on each end by two Russian women and in the back by a fat, grumpy man with one dead, crumpled hand. Every week it has been the same. Go in, "Hi, we are here for her gym class." They ask if we are members and I say that she is. They look in the computer, screw up either her first or last name two to three times and say that she isn't a member. I point out that she is, in fact a member, and have to give everything from phone numbers to addresses. We then have a back and forth. Eventually I point out that I have paid for the class and they look me up, tell me my membership is 'expired' at which point I explain that my membership is canceled precisely because of situations like this. Once the KGB clears me I have to talk to Dead Hand Man, who then asks me the exact same questions and makes me sign in on a piece of paper. Last week I got yelled at for putting our names on the same line.
This week I bypassed the KGB and went right to the sign up sheet, same line of questioning from Dead Hand. This time I didn't even bother arguing with him as to whether or not she was a member, I just put her name down, got yelled at for not putting down my 'time in' on the appropriate line and muttered something along the lines of 'I see you every week and you know why we're here' to which he responded 'This is a safety and security measure.' You know, because lots of kidnappers, terrorists, rapists and murderers carry 2-year-olds who are yelling 'Jumping, Daddy?! Jumping, Daddy?!' right before they drop anthrax a the YMCA.
Anyway, I shook my head and said 'People at the Salem Y are much nicer' and slammed the door behind me. On to the gym. Open gym is from 10:45 to 11:25, strange times but, whatever. Before hand is a much more structured gymnastics class that appears to be for kids around the same age. Their parents wait outside and the kids go through drills and activities. Every week I sit there and picture what a disaster it would be if I ever left Av by herself with those women and tried to watch through the window. The teacher is incredibly mean to those kids. I saw two of them crying today alone, one of whom was disciplined for not listening. The teacher then came out and scolded him in front of the parent. I get that gymnastics is one of those discipline sports like swimming but, Jesus, that kid was like, three.
This same woman is in our program, too, but since it is pretty much a free for all no one listens to her and everyone does whatever they want. At the start she attempts to put together some sort of obstacle course but mostly the kids just disassemble it. The previous class almost always runs long by 2-3 minutes, and ours is always abruptly stopped at 11:25 with no exceptions. The kids are coldly and efficiently given a smiley face hand stamp and sent on their way. They have no respect for us because it is open gym and we aren't interested in their rules. Bitches.
Anyway, today three minutes in to class the fire alarm goes off. We have to evacuate the building. Of course, Av is pissed. 'No by byes! More jump!' Other kids are panicked. We get outside and we stand there for three minutes as I try to explain to my sad, confused child what is happening. Just then some woman, who looks like the director, comes out and says. "You have all passed the fire drill, but I have some concerns." Cool. Poor timing but, hey, if you need to have a fire drill to comply why not do it at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday. Whatever. If it ended there that would have been fine, but the bitch continued with her 'concerns.'
"I do have to say that in the future we expect people to leave all of your personal belongings inside, even parents with children.Also, it is important to make sure that you only leave through the main entrance." Ok, lady. It is 40 degrees out and my kid isn't wearing shoes, I'm grabbing our stuff. And if this monstrosity is ever actually on fire (not likely given the security team) I am going out the closest door and I sure am not going to wait outside. I'm out. Going home. Thanks, tho.
As she lets us back in there is no interrogation at the door, too many people I guess, but as soon as we got back in to the gym it started again. Two people- TWO- asked me in a span of 30 seconds if we had memberships, if we were registered and if we had paid. Are you f-ing kidding me?! We have been in this class for three weeks. Three! You know what the problem was? The stupid lady copied the names from the printed roster to her stupid notebook wrong and had her listed as- no lie- Averyn Barr. Give me a break. And, again, wasn't even nice about it. Asked to see my membership card and when I told her I wasn't a member started in on the whole 'you should get one' crap.
At this point I have had it. It is starting to remind me of when I called Dell and every person I spoke to asked me how I was going to pay before asking me what my problem was or why I was calling. Literally every single person I spoke to asked me if I had a membership. This is the YMCA. The m-f-ing YMCA. No one is sneaking in to the YMCA for open gym. They just aren't doing it. This isn't Communist Russia. Unreal. It isn't even like they are pleasant about it, either, they are all rude and accusatory. Welcome to Marblehead, I suppose.
So, don't take your kid to the Legg's Hill YMCA. You will get yelled at, accused of fraud and treated like a lesser member of society. Again, welcome to Marblehead.
I don't feel like I ask too much. I am generally friendly to everyone, especially when I have the baby with me. I may come off as negative and grumpy here, which I certainly can be, but generally I am calm and agreeable, especially when dealing with someone who is at work. Sure, there are exceptions, but I'm certainly not trying to pick a fight with Dead Hand. All I ask is for people to be pleasant. Perhaps a little less accusatory and a little more helpful. I'm actually in a good mood today, too. Society just needs to cool its jets.
...
I've been on a big acoustic singer/ songwriter kick lately. I blame it on my emergence from the annual winter depression.
No comments:
Post a Comment