Monica took the baby in to the school one day last week just to pay the bill. Av started crying because she thought she was going to be left there an Monica ended up having a conversation with the woman who ran the program. The woman told her that crying was perfectly normal at that age and that her own child cried for two months before she gave in and started to like going to school. This made me feel a bit better and gave me hope that Av was just going through the normal cycle that kids go through and after another week or two she would get used to going to school. Unfortunately, her teachers today were apparently experiencing a case of the Monday's and decided they were going to give up on Av.
This morning went the way that every school morning goes. Av woke up and we played until 8 when I got her dressed and ready for school. The crying typically starts when she sees her back pack on the table, but today she managed to hold off until we got in to the school parking lot. This appeared to be a promising sign. Per usual, Av was really upset as we walked in to the classroom and was begging me to hold her. I refused, as I always do, and I held her hand as we walked in. With Av just whimpering as the door opened the first thing I heard was one of her teachers say 'Well, it must be Monday morning, Avelyn is here.' This pissed me off right off the bat. Thanks for being so understanding. You deal with f-ing toddlers, no one else cries? As I was putting her things away and Av was tugging at my pants asking to go home, the teacher then asked me. 'Is she always this upset? Is it the separation from you?' Ummm, is this your first day? You know damn well that she is always upset when we drop her off and you know damn well that it is because she doesn't want to leave us. I attempted to stick around and play with Av for a minute until she got comfortable but was promptly told to leave as the teacher scooped her up with one arm and said 'Daddy is going to work, just like he always does. You know he is coming back for you.' Awesome. Way to be compassionate.
I returned to pick Av up and before I had two feet in the door I heard the always awesome, 'We need to talk.' Great. The teacher informed me that Av did not eat and was upset most of the day. Then she said that she wasn't adjusting and required too much personal attention. 'You can't comfort her every time she is upset at home,' she told me. 'Because I can't comfort her here.' Then she asked if Av had some sort of blankie, binkie or bottle that she wasn't bringing to school. She does not. In fact, Av never has had any of these things, except for the bottle, which she only enjoys at night before bed. I told the teacher this and she said 'Well, she carries around her juice all day and gets upset when we take it away. We only have juice at table time. Also, she hasn't been eating. I don't think she has much if an appetite, does she eat too much before school?'
OK, so let me get this straight. If my daughter had some sort of vice like a binkie or a blankie that would be fine, bit God forbid she wants to carry around her Dora the Explorer juice, she is breaking some sort of grand rule? That doesn't seem right. Especially since I am almost positive that you would have scolded me if I ever brought in a binkie. Finally, this was the last straw. The teacher said that she recommended we bring her every morning for at least a half hour so she can get more acclimated to being away from us and then told me that I should 'Never pick her up if she is crying, because we aren't going to do that here.' Bullshit. That is bullshit, lady. I get that you aren't going to give my kid personal attention- that is part of the reason that she is there- but if my kid falls on her face in the kitchen you better believe that I am picking her up. I don't care if you take care of a bunch of privileged little snots all day long whose high-powered executive parents drop them off seven days a week and send a nanny to pick them up, I'm not going to ignore my own kid because it is easier for you to handle. In addition, having the baby come every day may make life easier on the teacher, but it is going to cost us at least another $200 a week. If we could afford that she would have already been in daycare every day and wouldn't need to adjust to your snooty- ass school.
As if I wasn't pissed enough after this the teacher sealed her fate by trying to tell me how to parent as I was packing her up. When I walked in the door Av was in tears and ran over in to my arms. I held her and rubbed her head while the teacher continuously scolded me. I put Av down to retrieve her belongings from the cubby and the teacher said 'You should try putting her down like that more. A good start would be walking her out of here by holding her hand instead of carrying her.' F-you lady. F-you. I hold that kid's hand every day when we walk in to that classroom and I hold her hand every day when we leave. In fact, I would say that I hold that kid's hand more often than I carry her on a daily basis. Why don't you check yourself and try not assuming that I am keeping my kid in a bubble all day because you don't know what you are talking about. I am willing to bet that Av is way ahead of most kids in that class in just about every motor skill. She drinks out of cups and bottles without spilling, she climbs, runs and jumps well before most kids her age and she is warm and social with most people she meets. I am the farthest thing from a parenting expert, but one thing I do know is that she wouldn't be able to do half of those things if we were over protective and didn't let her try and do things on her own.
I understand that Av is having a tough time at school and I get how that can be annoying to her teachers. I also understand that they think they are trying to help us by giving us advice on what to do but the fact of the matter is this. Since the first day we walked in to that classroom those teachers have treated us like a special case. They give us advice like we are 15-year-old's talking to our high school guidance councilors about accidentally getting knocked up and they treat Av like she is some sort of pain in the ass. Well, you know what? I have had it. This kid smiles more than any kid I have ever met and she has more fun on a daily basis than every kid who is at Disney World right now combined. Does she need to spend more time with other kids? Yes. Do we need to do a better job in certain areas? Of course. But one area I can assure you we are not failing in is loving our child and trying to do what is best for her and sending her to a school where 99 percent of the other kids have been in daycare since they were three days old and where the teachers don't want to deal with crying is not in her best interest.
She is going to need to get used to not having us around at some point, but for now she is 18-months old and I would rather bring her to a play group every week than sit there and listen to how horrible of a child she is because she wants juice when it isn't table time. Maybe if Miss Cindy had shown an ounce of compassion through this we would consider staying but her actions today have made up my mind. Av is done and I don't care. I'll cancel my membership to the Y and we will go to a play group a few times a week so she can get used to other kids. We may live in a world of Blackberries, 401 (K)'s and working parents but my kid isn't going to have abandonment issues, teenage angst and zero relationship with her parents just because it is the 'in' thing to do in this snobby, rich region of the country that we live in. I'm all set, YMCA, you can go ahead and not want to deal with someone else's kid for $350/ month.
Music.
Way before they started hating George Bush and recording alt/pop hits Incubus was one of the more badass bands around. Thanks to my Ipod I have rediscovered my love for the days when this band used to play trippy funk rock and sing about space aliens, doing it and smoking weed rather than recycling, voting and genocide. Life doesn't always have to be that serious, people. My anger toward Miss Cindy fueled me to throw on the album S.C.I.E.N.C.E. as the baby slept and I typed this. Here are my two favorite Incubus songs. One from that album and one from the follow up, Make Yourself- the band's last truly good release. Takes me back to my days of empty afternoons and bong hits in the college town houses. (Sorry, Mom).
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