Trial by Fire Parenting: Episode 105: Awesome Possum! We have the same SHIRT!

I am not, nor have I ever been good with money. Maybe it is because I have never really had enough of it at once to set any aside, or maybe it is because I am not at all good with numbers, but for whatever reason I have basically been treading financial water my entire life. This week, due to the fact that I share a job primarily with lazy college students I have been forced in to picking up more shifts at work now that they are all back in school. Because of this, I have a little bit of extra money in my wallet and I decided yesterday that an upgrade of my wardrobe was in order.

To best describe my 'style' I will share a comment made by my friend Pat the other day. Before he got married and scaled it back a little bit, he was one of those white kids who dressed like a thug, meaning he would show up at the bar to meet me wearing a polo shirt that was the same color as his hat and shoes and some expensive jeans. At the same time one of our best friends was this kid named Chris. He was a musician gearing up to move to LA and record his album, and he had a style that was appropriate to that. Chris would show up to meet us at the bar wearing designer jeans, or sometimes Capri pants (which he never lived down) some sort of top that involved a draping coat or fancy vest and almost always a completely inappropriate top hat or beanie accessorized with some boots and a scarf.

"Can you imagine what people thought when they saw us?' Pat asked me. 'I show up dressed like a gangsta with my hat matching my shoes, Chris looks like some magician or street performer and then there is you wearing the same pair of shoes you wear every day and some faded, old t-shirt your mom probably bought you freshman year of high school."

At first I was kind of offended, but then I realized that he was right. I pretty much have the same wardrobe that I had in 1998. I wear jeans or cargo shorts and t-shirts pretty much every day. Sure, I own shirts and ties, a few sweaters and some polo shirts for special occasions, but apparently my 'style' is 'late 90's high school freshman.' I'm pretty much OK with that, too.

So, with the previously mentioned extra cash in my pocket and a fresh bag filled with old t-shirts that I finally gave in and donated to Goodwill, I set out to upgrade my wardrobe. I budgeted myself $80 to spend on new shirts. This is how it went down.

My first stop was Old Navy. I quickly found a long sleeve shirt that I liked. That shirt was $15. I poked over to the t-shirt section and noticed that all of the new shirts for the season were also $15. Too pricey for me. If I'm going to pay $15 for a t-shirt, it had better be awesome. Instead I went to the clearance rack. I found one shirt for $6 and another for $4.99. That was my first stop. $26 spent, $64 left in the wallet. My next stop was Marshalls where I found a few more shirts, but was unwilling to pay more than $1o for them, so I put them back. At this point, Monica was getting a bit irritated with me and suggested I go to Target. I instead decided I wanted to go to Savers. For those that don't know, Savers is a thrift store. I prefer to buy my shirts at thrift stores for two reasons. 1. I am not the type of guy that likes to advertise things on my shirts, but since most shirts say something I prefer to just sift through racks of old t-shirts and get one that says something random or irreverent. Besides, isn't a vintage t-shirt cooler if it is actually vintage? Not just a new t-shirt with something random or old printed on it? I think so. 2. New t-shirts are too loud. Go to Target or Old Navy and look at the shirts now. There is so much going on. So much graphic. So many stupid things like skulls and snakes. Not my thing. (As an aside, it also drives me insane when I see Rolling Stones or Beatles t-shirts for sale at Target in kids sizes. High school kids today don't know who the Rolling Stones are. I work with an 18-year-old kid at the restaurant. Last night he came up and asked the bartender what the 'really sick piano rock' on the radio was. It was the Doors. 'Really sick piano rock.' I don't even like the Doors and I was offended).

In any event, I went to Savers and bought three shirts. One was an Edmonton Oilers shirt because, hey, it is pointless to own that. The other says USA in some funky writing and the third is a faded orange shirt that says Tennessee, USA with a silhouette of a bear on the front. Grand total? $5.50. That brings us up to $31.50. I'm done. I'm not spending any more than that unless something jumps out at me. Did I fail at upgrading my wardrobe? Most would say yes. I say no. That is six new shirts and I saved a bunch of cash. Success! Besides, trends recycle. Kids now dress like the 80's, when I was in school kids dressed like the 70's. Pretty soon, 1998 is going to be back in style and I am going to be on the cutting edge.

A brief rant about hipsters.

The title of this post is ripped off from a stand up bit by one of the funniest comedians out there, Louis CK. It kind of fuses what I was talking about above with what I am about to talk about below. If you have never seen it or don't know who Louis CK is, check it out here. NSFW.

It has been brought to my attention recently that my love for things like old t-shirts, rock and roll and robots is shared by a culture of people that I despise. Hipsters. For those of you over 40, think of hipsters as this generation's peace and love hippies. Pretentious, carefree, immature, snobby- hipsters are those people who drink coffee and become vegetarians not because they want to stay awake and be healthy, but because it is 'cool.' Then they spend the next hour telling you all of the reasons that you should also drink coffee and become a vegetarian, and then make fun of you behind your back for being a 'square' or whatever the kids refer to it as these days. They wear old basketball jerseys and tight pants even though they scoff at sports and seemingly hate to be comfortable. They want you to look at their shiny new tattoos, but God forbid you ask them the significance of choosing whatever random, irrelevant mess they have slathered on their forearm. ( I actually never ask people about tattoos because, well, I really don't care. But it is the principle we're talking about here.)

Hipsters drive Honda Fits and ride bikes. They drink PBR not for the taste or the cost, but because they like the retro cans. They blog about horror movies and they listen to new Weezer. God I can't stand hipsters. I just really can't.

Hipsters are indeed the bane of my existence. They drive me insane. I get mad every time I see one and Salem is crawling with them because it suddenly became 'cool' a few years ago. Well, you know what? I am fighting back. Hipsters can't have faded t-shirts. They can't have robots and they sure as shit can't have rock and roll! I refuse to give these things up and I will sport my comfort-fit jeans, my baseball caps and continue to drive my 19 mile per gallon Chevy Impala while I do it. Oh, and Kings of Leon suck.

Oh, yeah. That baby.

So, enough about my love for t-shirts and my hatred for hipsters, I'll update you on the baby because that is what you are all here for. It has been a strange week. Monica had Friday and Monday off and I spent the weekend working, so we didn't get too much interaction. At the same time, we are around each other enough now to be getting on each other's nerves again. By the spring time last year we had pretty much figured out what we could and couldn't do around one another in order to stay sane. We are working through that again and starting to get better. Her days right now pretty much consist of stalking cats, eating and coloring with crayons. Mostly stalking cats. The first thing she says every morning when she gets out of bed is 'where is the kitties?' She then proceeds to chase them around the house, stalk them under the bed and fire handfuls of cat food at them from across the kitchen. Pretty entertaining. She starts school on Thursday and Monica is already in an absolute panic. I am trying not to get emotional, but I know when we leave there I am going to have a hard time. I am just trying not to think about it right now. She has to go. If she keeps spending every day with me she is going to grow up to be a neurotic, anxious, hipster-hating weirdo. Blog to follow the first day of school.

Music hipsters won't like.

My first favorite band was Local H. Remember the 'keep it copacetic' song? Yeah, you do. Well, aside from that one post-grunge hit that everyone knows, they are actually a pretty badass rock band. Two guys fusing 70's classic rock with modern alternative and drinking a lot of Maker's Mark in the process. They get little to no credit outside of Chicago for what they are, almost entirely because all people remember is that one song. Well, their five studio albums that followed that are pretty kick ass and Scott Lucas is as good a rock and roll guitarist as their is out there today. But they aren't hipsters, they don't write 'radio friendly' pop rock and they don't harmonize so they get shit on. Well, it isn't right. This, ladies and gentleman, is simply rock and roll. Nothing more. Enjoy.