Episode 60: Living in squalor

My patience has been wearing thin this week. I am not sure why, maybe it is just because all of the rain has forced us inside for the good majority of the day, never a good thing when you live in a tiny apartment filled with toys. Not being able to go outside combined with the baby's ever growing curiosity means that I spend my day trapped in here constantly following her around the house making sure that she doesn't play with electrical outlets or try to climb up any book shelves. Then there are the times when she steals the remote control out of your hand while you are trying to put something on TV for her or when she sneaks up on the computer and starts hammering away at the keys. Yeah, it needs to get nice out ASAP.

The difference this week compared to winter is that at least when it is cold out we are able to take field trips to the store an such. When it rains as much as it has we can't really go anywhere, given that the greater Salem area is pretty much underwater, and will remain as such probably for another week. Gotta love that old school infrastructure and poor draining. That was only cool in college when we used to get rainy days off because the parking lot would flood.

So, we are stuck inside, endlessly playing with the same toys, watching the same episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba and Blue's Clues, following Daddy around messing up the things he just cleaned, you know- kid stuff.

I think that is another thing that is really, really starting to bother me- the overall lack of cleanliness and personal hygiene in my life. I used to be neurotic about hygiene before we had a baby, showering at least twice a day and making sure to always change my socks so that my feet never smelled. If I did something sweat-inducing I would immediately shower. If I was going to go somewhere, same deal. Can I tell you that for a span this week I went at least 60 hours without a shower? Yeah. 60. I showered Saturday night, right around midnight when I got home from work and then not again until Tuesday night. I did not do this on purpose, it just happens that way sometimes when you have a kid.

There are many varying factors that prevent me from showering on a daily basis. It is virtually impossible for me to get in to the bathroom when I am home with her. When she used to sit in her chair and watch videos I could sometimes get away with it, but now that she just walks around the house all day I have zero shot. If I try to sneak off while she is doing something she will just stand outside the bath tub and scream at me. Sure, she takes naps, but by the time that happens I can usually think of about 9,000 other things I should be doing. I usually try to jumnp in when Monica gets home, but some days we need to go out and do stuff so I don't exactly have time. This is what happened on Monday, when we had errands to run and didn't get home until it was bed time for the baby. At that point, you just have to chalk the day up to a loss and hope for a shower tomorrow.

There is an old Dana Carvey comedy bit where he talks about his friends calling him after he had kids. I don't remember exactly what he says, but it is something along the lines of 'you're standing there covered in drool, you haven't brushed your teeth or changed your clothes in a week.' Sometimes that is how I feel.

The lack of cleanliness is not just limited to my personal space, either. It is extremely difficult to keep up with the apartment, especially when the baby doesn't allow you the time to do things like the dishes during the day. As hard as we try to keep it clean, and as much time as we spend at night and on the weekends doing so, there is always a half-eaten piece of bread or a pile of wet Cheerios somewhere. Some days you spend hours just trying to get rid of the poop smell, others you end up sweeping the floor 300 times only to turn to the left and step in old Jello.

Same goes with my car, which, as I have mentioned, used to be as clean as clean could be. If you look in my back seat right now you will find a wide variety of toys, snack foods and wrappers that she has discarded, while in the front you will find an overflowing bag of empty wrappers, empty energy drink cans and coffee cups and piles upon piles of junk mail (I usually grab the mail on my way out somewhere), and that is not mentioning all of the dust that has built up on my dashboard.

Don't get me wrong, I am not miserable walking around here all day, but for someone who prides himself on cleanliness, this lifestyle is difficult to get used to to say the least. I also don't want to create the illusion that my life is like an episode of Hoarders, with trash piling up around us, it is not. At the same time, it is extremely hard to keep up with the chores, especially when I can't even keep myself clean half of the time. Hopefully things will get better in the summer when Monica is around more and we can open up the windows. Maybe I can go back to showering every day. That would be sweet.