Episode 58: X is for X ray

Due to some in utero dancing and squiggling around Av's doctor decided at her yearly check up that it may be a good idea to go ahead and get some X- rays of her hips and pelvis. I am neither a woman or a pediatrician, so I have absolutely zero idea why we had to do this, but the doctor insisted and I obliged. Actually, I put off taking her for the X-ray for well over a month, as I felt both afraid of her behavior in the room and much too lazy to pack her up and make the drive to Beverly, a painstaking 10-15 minutes away.

The problem, really, was that the people at the hospital told us that we could just show up, that we didn't need to make an appointment. That is decidedly the wrong thing to ever say to me because chances are I will probably never show up. (Case and point, I waited until last week to get my taxes done, and I only did that because I discovered the online appointment scheduling feature at H&R Block's website).

Another major reason that I have avoided this is because, in my completely unprofessional opinion, the baby is fine. She has never shown any sort of pain or discomfort in her hip/ pelvis area, she started walking like three days after she was born and the doctor told us herself that she 'looks perfectly fine' when she was debating as to whether to order the X-ray. The entire situation stems from one single ultrasound picture that looked a little funny, and it sounds to me like a great way for Dr. Monaco to get her friends in radiology a little business.

Anyway, after about three or four weeks of ignoring the X-ray order, I found it on top of the fridge and I started to think. We have had two cats for three years and I think they have been to the vet like twice. We keep getting these letters and phone calls from the vet saying they are due for check ups and such but, c'mon, they've had their shots, they've been fixed, they aren't sick. Leave us alone. I'm not paying $45 for you to tell me that my cat is too fat and that she should eat more nutritional food. She's a cat. She eats Kit 'N Kaboodle because it is $3.89 a bag and it is the only one that her and the skinny cat agree on. The point is that I had to make a conscious effort to remind myself that the baby is not, in fact, a cat (although the similarities are uncanny sometimes) and that perhaps we should start taking her doctor's orders more seriously.

So, I procrastinated for another week or so and finally decided, reluctantly, that we should get it out of the way this morning. Aside from my laziness, the biggest thing I think preventing me from wanting to take her was that I really had little to no confidence that she would sit still long enough for an X-ray and I just pictured it being a disaster. A screaming, squirming, biting disaster.

We left first thing this morning and got to Beverly Hospital, where the doctor sent the X-ray order, around 8 a.m. This was the first time we have ever actually been inside this hospital, as all of her birthing and related activities took place at Salem Hospital which, while seconds from our house, was a fairly dirty, poorly lit, rudely staffed place. In contrast, Beverly Hospital was extremely bright and clean, and everyone who worked there was very cheery. We went through registration where Av developed a shy crush on the man with the beard taking our info and then made our way to radiology. The waiting room was much different than those she is used to. The toys and fun pictures on the pediatrician's wall were replaced with adult magazines (not adult like, Teen BJ's Monthly, adult like 'Time' and 'Better Homes and Gardens') and a TV blaring, and I mean BLARING 'Ellen.' The usual running kids and annoyed parents were replaced primarily with cancer patients waiting for radiology and old, fragile women with walkers. Not the happiest place on Earth but, again, it was impeccably clean.

I was fully prepared to take Av out of the waiting room when she inevitably started yelling and I was equipped with a pocket full of Cheerios and a dumb-looking doll to shut her up if I had to, but as it turns out, she was really feeling that radiology waiting room. She spent the 15 minute wait time smiling and laughing at old people, running around and pulling my hat off of my head. She made all sorts of friends and never caused a problem. When it came time to go in to the room she excitedly walked behind the nurse and laughed hysterically when she picked her up and put her on the table. That's right, she let the nurse pick her up. I have never seen anything like it in my life, well, except for that time at Fantasy Island when she let the Chinese waitress hold her while we ate, but that was like six months ago.

The most remarkable part was that when it came time for the actual procedure, she laid perfectly still and let the nurse move her legs around through the entire process, not whining once, only getting mad when I wouldn't let her press the buttons on the X-ray machine. To cap the day off she got two Yo Gabba Gabba stickers and walked past three people in wheel chairs on the way out, inducing hysterical laughter. Yeah, It's cruel, but when you are 1 all you see is someone with wheels for legs, and that is kind of funny, so we'll save that teachable moment for another time.

All in all there is nothing wrong with her hips or pelvis, but I do feel much better knowing that my daughter didn't ruin anyone's day in the radiology department. I am also counting my blessings that her usual morning dump held off until we got home, always an added bonus.