Episode 55: The one where we get attacked by seagulls

For the first time in what feels like years the thermometer rose to 60 degrees in Salem yesterday, meaning that we were finally able to open the windows, throw some lighthearted hip hop on the radio and go cruising. OK, so it was really only cruising for one of us, that being me- the driver- for the baby it was more like a windy ride in the same old too small car seat, and I am almost positive that she is a little too young to appreciate WuTang, but it is still better than being cold, right?

Yesterday was truly one of those rare days where the weather had just about everyone, even me, in a good mood from the get go. I didn't even get annoyed at the adult skateboarding neighbor who had tied his dog to the front steps for a bath, or the idiot next door who is somehow listening to the same Pearl Jam song at full volume every time he pulls up to the house (he ALWAYS waits for the song to end, too. So annoying). It was one of those leisurely, 'I can't believe the sun is finally back' sort of days, and that called for a trip to the park.

Before we went out to play we stopped at Target to get a few errands out of the way and pick up some snacks for our trip. We arrived at the Forrest River Park, another ocean side city park, around noon to find the place just as I had remembered it from the fall, bustling with snooty, yuppie moms and their blond haired kids, dog owners, running college girls and, of course, bus loads of old, Russian women from the local nursing home. Av and I started to play on the swing and the other equipment, but there were a few too many older kids being aggressive for her liking, and she was much more concerned with the cup of Cheerios that I brought anyway so we found a picnic table near the water and sat down.

We enjoyed the shade and the cereal for a while, laughing at the puppies running by and the birds flying over the water, until Av decided we needed a change of scenery and grabbed my hand. She led me (rather hysterically) down a hill and over to the old boat dock in front of the small sandy beech. This is where there was a lot of gull activity, which she seemed to be looking for. She also seemed really intent on invading the personal space of a particular running college girl who had taken a break on the dock. This would have been less awkward if said runner was friendly, she was not. She just kind of smiled and left. I would have done the same thing probably, but I would have at least faked it for a minute.

Anyway, I was holding her in my right arm and we were enjoying watching the tide come in next to a small pile of brush when out of no where a wasp circled my head. I swatted at the bastard but he wouldn't go away and, much to my horror, flew up and hovered nose to nose with the baby. Not only did Av not freak out, she stared the bee down and laughed in his face. The same cannot be said for me. Fearing a vicious face sting I turned to the right to pull her away and began flailing with my left hand, trying to punch the wasp and not drop the baby at the same time. As a result, I flung about half of the cereal bowl in to the air, instantly attracting about 8-10 seagulls.

The loud birds swarmed over our heads and began fighting over the Cheerios on the ground. Again, the baby just laughed and reached up to try and touch them. I freaked out like a 1-year-old girl, flailed and ran away, throwing the remaining Cheerios at the birds. I looked around to make sure no one saw what had happened, and luckily I didn't see anyone. Still, this is not my proudest moment.

I would not say that I am in any way afraid of bugs, or birds for that matter, I guess I just don't want them any where near me or my kid. Still, I don't really think that flailing is the way to go either, maybe next time I should just calmly shoo the bee and try to contain the Cheerios. Although, this is easy to say when you are not confronted with the incident.

As for the birds, I think the only thing more terrifying than being attacked by a flock of seagulls (not the band) is being trapped in a room with a bird who has somehow gotten indoors. I have experienced both and do not recommend either. Birds are fast, they dart around and they have sharp beaks and talons.

Despite my experience yesterday I am still excited for park season. I have already started to think of non-awkward conversation pieces in case I get trapped in a conversation with a mom (It won't happen though, they avoid me like the plague. That isn't a complaint, either) and I am pondering getting a little red wagon to drag the baby around in. Most importantly, though, I need to regain the confidence that I once had as a child around critters. Yes, park season is back. Time to man up, Dad.