Episode 16: Losing patience with kids shows

As much as I don't necessarily like to do it, much of the days with Av are spent watching a variety of Baby Einstein videos, as they keep her attention, make her laugh and are supposedly educational. All things that I typically fail at.

There are several editions to the series, most of which we own, and a few that I You Tube for her. The concept of these videos is really not much different than the videos we remember as children, like Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, but there is less of a human element. Most of Baby Einstein is done with sock puppets, random video clips and voice overs.

Some of the videos are excruciating to get through and others aren't bad. There is one that is even down right enjoyable. That would be the Baby Newton video, which features the original song 'I know my shapes.'

Check out the song, you won't be disappointed (although, if you have a fear of clowns or animated crayons, you may be terrified). 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE9aSBK1X9U

Later, presumably when Disney bought the company, they re-did this song for a video called 'Discovering Shapes' and replaced the soulful, fun shapes song with a really shitty, more optimistic version that sounds like it is sung by Faith Hill, or some other generic female vocalist. But, I digress.

My point is that I have been watching these videos for weeks. Baby McDonald (about the farm), Baby Mozart and the Numbers Nursery are all popular episodes.

Usually when she is watching them I try to watch TV, or videos on line, depending on which one she is using to watch her videos. Lately though, I am running out of things to watch. Hulu is slowly taking Arrested Development episodes off, I've seen almost all of the A-Team episodes they have and there is absolute shit on TV during the day, unless you love judge shows. (The only one I really like is Judge Mathis, because he's from the streets).

In any event, I have been trying to broaden the baby's horizons for my own sanity by looking up other kid's videos on You Tube. She likes Sesame Street, but they don't keep her interest because of the poor image quality. I refuse to subject myself to Barney or the Teletubbies, so I have been experimenting with things I have never heard of.

 Bad Idea.

I have honestly  never seen the baby as terrified of anything as she was when she saw this video titled "More Milk Please"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-dEuoQ1Lo4

The song itself is creepy as hell, but look at that animation!

Baby sign language appears to be a big thing, and this shitty lady looks to have the market cornered. Also, enjoy the dance...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHwg17I2hNQ

This one also made her cry.

Needless to say, there is not a lot to see on You Tube that isn't going to terrify my child. I guess I am just going to have to watch this stupid horse puppet help this stupid tiger count to five, AGAIN.

In other news, she can now almost crawl, which is a big improvement from the Army crawl she was doing before.Unfortunately, she mostly goes backwards so there have been more than a few times I have found her under the couch looking confused, with only her head sticking out.

In neighborhood news, the obese sweat pants family across the street is fighting again. "Oh Jesus Christ, Mom, leave me ALONE!." I just heard that from the front porch. All while a clan of Mexican painters listens to Jack Johnson next door.You'd think the carefree, easy going spirit of the music would calm them down. Then again, Jack Johnson is a pretty big pussy, so that might irritate me too if I was already mad at my mom who I still live with at 30. I think I have figured out the dynamic over there, though. The retarded adult lives with his brother, his wife and two kids and elderly mother. Most of them are fat. The mom isn't, but she wears elastic waste pants.Still gross. They do drive a Dodge Neon, and I have to say that is a sight to behold watching those people climb in and out. You can literally hear the car creek. Again, I digress....