Episode 93: Summertime and the bloggin's lazy...

As I mentioned before, about two weeks ago I really started to think about what I was going to do all summer with Monica home. During a particular moment of anxiety, she pointed out the obvious. Most people would kill to have an entire summer where they barely worked and got to hang out with their family and friends all day and pretty much do whatever the hell they want. Good point. I may not be curing any diseases, solving any mysteries or helping any business get to its next financial goal, but I am having a great time doing virtually nothing.
Unfortunately, as a result of my lazy summer attitude, the blog has kind of suffered. Aside from that comma-riddled stream of consciousness tribute to a squirrel that woke me up one morning (and is still laying fried in the street, albeit mostly decayed and eaten at this point), I have been completely unmotivated to write anything. For that I apologize. I will try to update more frequently.

Part of the problem, like I have mentioned in earlier posts, is that Av spends most of her time with Monica now so I don't have quite enough material. If I wanted to start a blog called '100 ways to drive your girlfriend nuts" I would have a lot of material.

So the baby did have her 16 month appointment yesterday and passed with flying colors, except for the part where she hates milk. Other than that she is completely healthy, extremely tall and has, as I have been saying all along, a giant f-ing head. I always like going to the doctor because she gives us a sheet of tips, pointers and advice for the next few months. Most of it is common sense like, 'don't leave children alone in the bathtub' or 'make sure to cut food small so your child doesn't choke' but it is helpful to read if for no other reason than it is reassuring to know that Av trying to shove everything in to her vagina at 16 months is fairly normal. Fairly.


Another thing I have learned this summer is that babies are apparently not affected in any way by oppressive heat. Despite the 90 degree temperatures and 100 percent humidity we have had all week Av has been more than willing to park it up on even the hottest days. As I had predicted, going to the park in the summer time is pretty much Hell on Earth. Along with the hoards of families infiltrating the playground with their unkempt ways and their out of control kids, most park trips are now plagued by community youth groups. I'll explain.
Because of Salem's rather sizable ghetto (known locally as 'The Point"), there are a large variety of summer youth groups in the city. There is the YMCA and Boy's and Girl's Club groups as well as one called SSCC (no clue what it stands for, but I am willing to bet one of the S's stands for Salem.) I only know what this particular group is called because they wear matching blue t-shirts that have the name of the group on them.

As a former newspaper reporter who was frequently tortured with covering the activities of such summer youth groups, I understand their importance. When there is no school to keep them busy kids- especially disadvantaged ones from The Point- need a place to go. I get it. Good call. Keep these kids away from Carlito and Jose (those are real-life neighborhood coke dealers, I am not trying to racially profile. That is their names.) and make sure that their future stays on some sort of track for success. Here is my issue. The people in charge of these youth groups are typically volunteers or college kids, and these people have NO F-ING CONTROL. These kids are the most misbehaved bunch of little assholes I have ever met. Not just SSCC, all of them. They tool around the park hurling rocks, stealing toys and knocking kids on their asses. They swear, they make inappropriate sexual comments and they generally just don't give a shit. And what do their group leaders do? Rarely anything.

The kids from the YMCA are the absolute worst. These kids tend to be a little bit older (yet are still walked down to the playground every day), and a lot more out of control. Just days after a new playground opened in Salem Common (my least favorite park but, for some reason, Monica's destination of choice) there was graffiti all over it. Monica knew right away that it was the little bastards from the YMCA. They have no respect for anyone or anything. Look, I think it is great that these 'disadvantaged' kids have a place to go. but how about you actually teach them something when they get there? Like a little discipline? Maybe some respect? How about you stop looking around for your community awards and actually make a difference in these kid's lives?

When I was at the paper the Greater Lynn YMCA was one of the worst organizations that I had to deal with for many of those reasons I listed above. Always looking for recognition- and donations- all they ever did was hawk their product. Meanwhile, half the teenagers that ended up in the police log were either members or one time members of their various youth groups. Get it together YMCA. You're disappointing the Village People.

To be honest, I we have really been reconsidering our decision to live in Salem recently. Along with the worries about sending Av to school with these horribly misbehaved kids (lets be honest, we are only a few streets away from the point, she is going to go to school with these bastards), we have also been really turned off by the city's new 'hipster' identity. Gradually over the past four years older buildings and charm have been replaced by condos, trendy, expensive stores and even trendier restaurants. I don't know the details fully, but Monica went out with a friend of her's last week and ended up with a $10 piece of cake and a $12 martini. That isn't what Salem is. My Salem is dive bars and sandwich shops, not trend-tastic cafe's. I think it is time to explore a new home. Maybe in the suburbs. Maybe Rockport. Rockport is nice.

Sorry. Rant over. Coming up this weekend is my second-favorite holiday, behind Memorial Day, and that is the 4th of July. Another day to relax, drink and, most importantly, not have to give gifts. There are no plans for any grandiose barbecue, just some relaxing around Salem with a few friends. Nice...

Music.

I have toiled over which of these two songs I wanted to add to the music section this week and I couldn't decide, so I'll post them both. First, we'll start with Dan Auerbach. If I could be anyone in the entire world, it would be Dan Auerbach. The rift master. Here is my favorite song from his solo album.



Second, in honor of the 4th of July, is another one of my favorite songs by a band called The Mountain Goats. The song is "See America Right." Try to get past his singing voice and enjoy the pure, raw power of the song. It makes me think about when you were younger and you cruised around like an idiot smoking cigarettes and checking out chicks on a hot, summer day.