What does a stay at home dad do when he doesn't really have to stay at home any more? That is a good question. One that I am struggling to find answers for. With summer upon us Monica, who intelligently chose a profession where you get the nicest three months of the year off, is back home every day, rendering me essentially obsolete. Kind of like when robots replaced auto workers on the assembly line.
Sure, there will be days when she needs me to watch the baby- like when she takes a week long graduate school class in July- but, for the most part, I am essentially now looked over as an accessory to the family. I am still involved in everything, but I don't get to take charge of many situations and the baby wants nothing to do with me.
Still programed to wake up early, Monica gets up with the baby most days (which is pretty sweet) and from then on until bedtime, I am pretty much just eye candy. The baby freaks out whenever Monica is away from her. If I am holding her and we are both there she will wiggle out of my arms and in to hers. If Monica gets up to go to the bathroom, she will run after her screaming and make sure that she gets to watch the whole thing. I am not even allowed to take her on car rides by myself any more. It is all very nice that she loves her mother so much, but the days are going to start to get pretty long pretty fast.
Today is really the first day in a while where I literally have nothing to do. I thought about it last night. Monica is home, I don't have to work. I have nothing. Just nothing. And it isn't like a cool nothing. If I were still 22 and single I could find a lot to do with my day (much of it illegal), but bringing a cooler of beers to the beach with your friends is kind of irresponsible when you have a 1-year-old. I think I am going to have to start picking up a few day shifts at work or something.
What I really wish I could do was some solid outside day labor. I love being outside and busting my ass on hot summer days. Getting all sweaty and dirty, when you can feel the muscles throbbing from all of the exercise. If they had a 'digging up rocks' option at the gym, I would totally be there. Oh yeah, the gym. That's another option. Wait- no it isn't. I hate the gym. I hate everything about the gym. I'd rather get a colonoscopy than go to the gym. That's not even an exaggeration. The problem is that I don't really want to commit myself to working one of those jobs every day, and there are certain things- like laying down mulch- that are not in my repertoire. What I would like is to find a place where on Monday and Wednesday mornings I could wake up and go chop wood, cut grass and move heavy things- like rocks or logs- for about six hours, make a few hundred dollars and go home. This place does not exist.
Anyway, my weekends at my friend Joe's house cutting wood and moving rocks has really got my manly gene working. Today as an activity I decided that I was going to do my landlord a solid and re-caulk the bathroom, even though the handy man that replaced our drain a few weeks ago was supposed to come back and do that. I would much rather sweat my ass off in my tiny bathroom in exchange for the satisfaction of a job well done than stand around and wait for Victor all day long and then have to hold down idle conversation with him the entire time he is here. Totally worth it.
Happy Father's Day, or whatever you want to say about it.
So last weekend was my second Father's Day, which is still kind of a strange thing for me to celebrate. I don't remember last year too much, but this year was pretty stellar, I must say. A beautiful day, I was able to just kind of hang out with the family and have some lunch. (Although the waiter somehow mistook my order for jumbo fried shrimp as being a Greek salad with grilled shrimp on top, but that's OK, it allowed me to order sushi for dinner as I was still starving). One thing I do feel kind of terrible about is the fact that Monica finally pushed me in to the 21st century and gave me an iPod for my gift. Don't get me wrong, this is awesome, but I got her pots and pans for Mother's Day, so I kind of feel like a dick.
In my defense, at the time I thought it was a fantastic idea. She had mentioned a few times prior that she wanted a new set of cooking supplies, so I took it upon myself to purchase her said supplies as a gift. Apparently, cooking supplies are actually considered an offensive, thoughtless gift as opposed to a kind and thoughtful one. Who knew? Apparently everyone else but me. The sad part is that I was really excited about giving them to her. Like I really did a great job. Idiot. I should have known when I told my own mother what I got and she said 'Um, she did ask for those, right?' and I said, 'Oh, yeah, she really wants them." Apparently not. Just some advice for all of you men out there. Don't buy household supplies for gifts. Not a great idea. Kind of like the time my mom got a waffle iron from her mother-in-law for Christmas. Now I get why she was pissed.
The strangest thing about this Father's Day was that I only got one card (not counting the ones from Monica and Av) and that was from Monica's aristocratic grandparents- you know, the ones who famously greeted me after the news of the pregnancy with 'Congratulations, or whatever you want to say about it.' I am not at all offended by the lack of cards, I mean, both of my parents called me so it's not like I wasn't acknowledged. In fact, I don't even like getting cards all that much. They are kind of useless to me. They just pile up in the house. It's just that, of all the people in the world, I never would have expected to see 'The Murphy's" as the return address. Just strange.
In my defense, at the time I thought it was a fantastic idea. She had mentioned a few times prior that she wanted a new set of cooking supplies, so I took it upon myself to purchase her said supplies as a gift. Apparently, cooking supplies are actually considered an offensive, thoughtless gift as opposed to a kind and thoughtful one. Who knew? Apparently everyone else but me. The sad part is that I was really excited about giving them to her. Like I really did a great job. Idiot. I should have known when I told my own mother what I got and she said 'Um, she did ask for those, right?' and I said, 'Oh, yeah, she really wants them." Apparently not. Just some advice for all of you men out there. Don't buy household supplies for gifts. Not a great idea. Kind of like the time my mom got a waffle iron from her mother-in-law for Christmas. Now I get why she was pissed.
The strangest thing about this Father's Day was that I only got one card (not counting the ones from Monica and Av) and that was from Monica's aristocratic grandparents- you know, the ones who famously greeted me after the news of the pregnancy with 'Congratulations, or whatever you want to say about it.' I am not at all offended by the lack of cards, I mean, both of my parents called me so it's not like I wasn't acknowledged. In fact, I don't even like getting cards all that much. They are kind of useless to me. They just pile up in the house. It's just that, of all the people in the world, I never would have expected to see 'The Murphy's" as the return address. Just strange.
Open Mic Night
In honor of the now endless supply of music at my disposal in a tiny digital format, I am going to introduce a new music segment at the bottom. I can't think of a good enough name for it, so for now it will go unnamed. This area can be songs that I enjoy, obscure songs that will make you go 'ohhh I remember that' or songs that I think have hysterically lame music videos attached to them. I'll probably do this like once a week or until I get bored and unmotivated with it.
Let's start out with a little Colin Hay. Somehow this song is a lot more creepy and mysterious when it is acoustic- and not accompanied by a stuffed kangaroo on a leash. Even if you hate the cheesy original, check this one out. It is worth it. Enjoy.
Let's start out with a little Colin Hay. Somehow this song is a lot more creepy and mysterious when it is acoustic- and not accompanied by a stuffed kangaroo on a leash. Even if you hate the cheesy original, check this one out. It is worth it. Enjoy.
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