Episode 117: The time I wore a yellow headband in public

Sorry for not updating much recently, I have been away for a few days dealing with the death of my grandmother. I will have much more on that situation tomorrow, when I have a little bit more time to sit and write (the baby has already woken up from her nap), but for now I will say this. I loved my grandmother very much, we were very close and I will never forget the time I was able to spend with her. That said, I am not sad that she is dead and I don't want anyone reading this to feel bad for me. She has not been my grandmother for some time now. Old age and declining health had relegated her to a nursing home that she never wanted to be in and took away any sense of life, energy or personality that she had. Two weeks ago I drove home by myself to see her for the last time and what I found was a shell of a human being, experiencing nothing but sadness and pain. She was half asleep, could barely talk, and struggled to acknowledge that I was there- even though she knew exactly who I was. I wished right then and there that God would just take her once and for all. So, when my mother called last week and told me that she finally succumbed I was totally relieved and felt a sense of happiness. Sure, I will miss her and everything that we had experienced together, but it made me feel a lot worse to have to sit there and think about her suffering in that home than it did to know that she was finally at peace.

Like I said, the past week or so has been stressful with the whole travel arrangement, dealing with family and, in my case, writing her eulogy thing but my grandmother's death in the end was a blessing for both her and our family. We were able to come together to celebrate her like we had not in many, many years, and were able to put aside a lot of longstanding feuds and differences for at least a few days. So, I thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers but please, do not be sad for her or for myself. She is happy now and I am relieved. I'll miss her, but I know this is best for everyone. All the sappy mourning crap aside, the wake/funeral experience was pretty entertaining in a lot of ways- not the least of which was me almost falling in to the grave trying to lift her casket over a headstone. Yeah, I was not the world's greatest Pallbearer. Anyway, tune in tomorrow for a full, sadness-free report on the funeral experience. For now, read this story about how I wore a baby's yellow headband out in public for several hours today. Thanks, and sorry again for neglecting you readers for the past few weeks.

Since Av has become more and more of a human and less and less of a baby I have been subjected to increased amounts of forced dressing up. She likes to make me wear funny hats and yellow shirts, put stickers on my face and draw on my arms. Typically, any morning I can be found laying on the floor of her bedroom going through her little cabinet of headbands, hair ties, clips and bows, or as she calls them, 'pretties.' At first I was kind of a dude about it and wouldn't put stuff on when she asked me to, but I really don't care anymore. In fact, it is pretty safe to say that I don't really care about much of anything anymore. I have no one to impress, as long as I don't smell.

I would say at the very least, three out of the five days of the week I end up wandering around the house with various little girl hair accessories in my hair, much to the amusement of Av. Today we were playing like usual and I put a yellow headband with some lace and sparkles on my head. Av laughed hysterically and the day went on. We kept playing for a little bit, took a bath, had a snack, got dressed, played a little bit more and eventually decided to head out and enjoy the unseasonably warm weather. We climbed in to the car and headed toward the park, making a quick stop at Walgreens for a caffeinated beverage. We spent about 10 minutes in the fairly busy store and checked out. We made our way across town to Forest River, fed the ducks, jumped in the leaves and walked to the playground. There were a ton of people everywhere because it was so nice out. We were on the playground equipment for at least 15 minutes when a sassy old black woman playing with her grandson looked at me, laughed an awesome Whoopi Goldberg-like laugh and said 'Oh sweetie, that's cute.' I had no clue what she was talking about. I thought she was referring to the baby's shirt. I kind of gave her an 'ok crazy lady' smile and went along my way. That is when I remembered the headband. 'Oh no,' I thought. 'Tell me I am not still wearing that.' Sure enough, I reached up and there it was sitting comfortably on my head. I had been wearing it in public for a half hour- with no hat, no hood- nothing. Now, obviously everyone knew that I was just wearing it to be silly with my daughter, but I was still kind of embarrassed by it. Then, as I was about to reach up and take it off, I remembered how little I cared about being embarrassed at the park and just kept wearing it until we got home. I really, truly just don't care. Screw society.

That is the thing now. I really just don't care. Everyone always has something to say about everybody these days. Everyone has issues and causes and things you should and shouldn't do. Everyone has some politician they want to vote for and another one they hate. No one just goes about their business anymore. Everyone has to be worried about everyone else. Well, not me. Do what you want, leave me alone, and if I am wearing a little girl's headband to the store don't worry about it. Maybe I like it. Maybe it is comfortable.