Episode 33: Eating like a grown up

It only took 10 months, but Av is officially at the point now where she is too smart for me to fool her. This is especially evident when it comes to food. Always a fan of eating, she has been mowing down bottles and baby food at every opportunity since the day she was born, but we reached a point recently- I am not sure when exactly- where she realized the food that Monica and I eat is much better than what we give her. This has created some challenges.

Since she has an abnormally large amnount of teeth for a child her age, we started giving Av adult food a few months back, just simple things like bananas, dry, overcooked pasta or tiny pieces of toast. Lately, though, she has started to become more picky and pretty much refuses to eat most of what we try to give her. This is especially apparent when we try to eat dinner at the same time as her. Might as well forget about whatever baby food is in front of her, because she isn't eating it.

Now, weighing in at like 100 lbs, Monica gives herself a bad rap about her diet. For all of the sno-caps and tacos she eats she also consumes her fair share of Caesar salads and stir-fry. I, on the other hand, at double the weight, have potentially the worst diet of anyone in America. Essentially, I still eat like a 15-year-old. At the grocery store when Monica is off buying chicken, bread, milk and veggies, I am in the snack aisle collecting various chips, dips and snacks. I still eat fruit snacks and Bagel Bites like my parents are away for the weekend and I frequently get lost in the sea of novelty sodas in the Stop and Shop drink section. If asked, I would list my favorite food as 'Popsicle.'

Worst of all from a health standpoint is my disgusting addiction to cheese. I think that I am pretty much single-handedly responsible for keeping the Vermont Dairy Farmers in business. I love cheese and I will eat all varieties for a snack at any time of the day. If I lived by myself I would eat cheese and mustard sandwiches for lunch six days a week. (The other meals would probably be freeze pops). Now, I know that this diet is probably less than healthy for a man headed down the back side of his 20's, but up until now I really had no reason to care.

Enter my nosy daughter.

Now that she wants to eat everything that I do, I am forced to cut back on my single-guy lunch foods, like microwave nachos, bagel sandwiches and Cheetos. Don't get me wrong, I still eat the foods when she isn't around, but at lunch time I now have to pretend that we are eating the same thing in order to get her to try some. This has resulted in unwanted spoonfuls of oatmeal, baby food, pineapple and mandarin oranges. Worst off, she LOVES Popsicles. So I can't even eat them when I am with her.

I can now say, without a doubt, baby food is one of the most disgusting things in the world. Sure, the apple sauces and fruit purees aren't bad, but if it involves meat or vegetables, stay the hell away. I don't blame her for not wanting it.

Another side effect of her obsession with adult food is a love for the refrigerator. I don't blame her, really. It is where the food is and she always sees us opening and closing it. Not to mention, it is filled with plastic bottles, which she loves to chew on. Now she wants in whenever the door is open. She will sprint over in her little walker and crash in to the door so I can't close it. It is both maddening and hilarious at the same time.

I am off to go try and trick her in to eating some of her own food hidden within some pasta or maybe oatmeal so that she doesn't have an 'I'm hungry' melt down. I will leave you with this video of her trying to steal things from the fridge. Notice how she uses the index finger as an exploratory device.