Friday, December 21, 2012

Greetings from the end of the world

Somewhere deep in the Appalachia or buried among the rolling mountains of Northern Canada there are families soundly sleeping in the safety of their survivalist bunkers. The children are not in school today. The men are gathering iodine capsules and freeze dried meals. They are loading their guns, sharpening their blades and taking inventory of materials as their devoted wives quietly mutter Bible passages or REM lyrics, slowly coming to peace with The End. 

They will be the ones to rebuild Earth. They will be the new forefathers. They will craft the first passages of our new history, burying the mistakes of the past. Our existence only a memory. Will they lead the weaker masses to safety through the flames? Will they play the hero roll to better the chances of repopulation? Or will they shoot their way out of danger, simply collecting our soulless corpses for consumption and further survival?

This is all assuming, of course, that the 'apocalypse' does not come in the form of a massive comet strike that spirals our planet out of orbit and in to a black hole. These survivalists seem to be banking on a sort of 'apocalypse lite' scenario where a nuclear misstep causes a massive tidal wave that wipes out half of humanity, or some sort of super volcano opens up a hole to the center of the Earth, swallowing millions of lost souls and leaving nothing more than a field of fire in its wake.  

Only time will tell. My only hope is that in 3 million years, well after all of our electronic devices are rendered useless and the world's financial institutions have collapsed and we have all started anew with only the most well prepared, incestual and cannibalistic leading the way toward a new society, when the radio waves of that thing we once knew as the 'Internet' somehow reach the intergalactic colonies beyond our galaxy that this blog will move to the forefront and serve both as a lesson in cynicism and a sort of primitive, genius manual for the way parenting used to be.

Today is the day, folks. The skies look gray. The ocean looks angry. LET'S GET READY TO RAPTURE!!!!!

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