Let's begin with the incident.
Back in November, I was driving home from work. It was late, like it always is. I was driving down my street and was about 100 yards from my house when I saw a police car screaming around the corner in my rear view mirror. I pulled in to my driveway, turned off my car, got out, closed the door, locked the car and started to walk down the driveway to my front door. After all of this has happened this police car parks at the end of my driveway and the officer jumps out and starts yelling at me.
"You're getting a ticket for that one bud!!"
Um. Ok. I am? What did I do? (All of my comments are internal because I learned at a very young age that arguing, or even talking to a police officer out of turn just spirals them in to some sort of power rage and does nothing to actually help the situation).
"Go get your reg! GO GET YOUR REG!" he screams as he backs me up my driveway toward my car.
I hand him my license and registration.
"Whose house is this?"
"Um, I live here."
"That's not what your license says. WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?!"
"I live here, I moved over the summer. That is my old address. I changed my address with the registry, look up my info. What is the problem?"
"You blew threw that stop sign going 30! You never even hit the breaks! You didn't even tap them, you better believe I'm giving you a ticket!"
A few things that are important to note here. The speed limit on my street is 25 mph. I drive down this street every single day. I know there is a stop sign there. It is a four-way intersection. It is pretty dangerous. It is also after midnight. I am also pretty sure I wasn't going 30 at any point that I was traveling down the street. It is also pouring rain. I am confused.
I give him my info and he says "Lean on your car and don't move."
At this point, it is after midnight, he still has his goddamn blue lights on, his headlights are shining directly in my face and has been yelling. Awesome. Thanks for making it look like I just robbed a liquor store. Surprised you didn't call for back up.
Dude is in the car for 10 minutes, gets out and his tone is completely different.
"Daniel, so, how come you don't have your current address on your license?"
"Because the RMV doesn't send the new labels any more."
"Well, its important that you have that."
"Ok."
"I hate to do this to you, but I have to write this ticket, we've been having traffic problems on this street. Besides, right before you went through the intersection I saw three teenagers dressed all in black walking by there, you could have killed them."
Ahhhhhh, the old 'teenagers dressed in black' story. Similar to the box of kittens story from driver's ed. Also, I'm pretty sure there is a curfew in our town, so maybe this guy could have taken them home. Again, I also remind you, it is pouring rain.
So, Officer Traffic hands me a soggy ticket and says the following. Which blows my mind.
"I'm really sorry I have to do this, get that address sticker for your license. If you appeal this, you'll probably win."
"Thank you, sir."
Now, before I go on, let's note the things I said during this interaction. I explained that I lived in the house. Explained why I didn't have my address on my license and I said 'thank you.' That's it. Like I said before, arguing with police is useless. Kind of like arguing with an umpire. So, I knew I didn't blow that stop sign, but that isn't going to get me anywhere. The officer himself told me to appeal. So I did.
Now, this is my theory. I live in an uppity, affluent suburb that also happens to border two middle class, blue collar cities with crime problems. My street is a short cut from one of those cities to the other. Some dumb old hag probably called the cops and bitched about people speeding down the street or running stop signs. It's late, this guy sees me, thinks he can bust my balls and pulls me over. Notice how his demeanor changed when he realized that I lived in town.
Also, it is important to note that I have zero recollection of actually being at that stop sign. I just know that I have never blown a stop sign at 30 mph at any point in my life anywhere. At the most, I may have done a rolling stop, as it was well past midnight and there is no reason to sit there any longer than I need to.
The appeal.
I appealed the ticket, as instructed. I had to pay a $25 non-refundable appeal fee, and had to be at court at 9 a.m. yesterday. After standing around and waiting for the clerk to show up, the hearing started at 9:40. I was first because I was the only one from my town to have a hearing that day. Let's keep track of all the things that worked in my favor here together.
I sit down across from the clerk who explains to me the process. "We don't have a representative from your town, so the court officer will read the police report."
That's one. In all of my experience, if the officer or a representative from the town does not show up, the hearing is waived. I win. If I don't show up the hearing is waived. I can't have the court officer read my statement, right? Of course not. Soooo, why are we continuing?
The officer begins to read. "On the night of so and so I was on a routine patrol at such and such intersection when I witnessed a white car traveling at a high rate of speed."
That's two. My car is gray. Dark gray. It does not look white, even if it is dark, you cannot mistake it for being white.
The report continued. The officer got the address where he pulled me over incorrect, as well as the address where I lived (they are both the same place, yet there were two different addresses for each in the report, neither one of which were correct). That's three.
Then we get to the part that makes my blood boil.
"Daniel was polite and courteous, but he quickly admitted to the violation and apologized."
WHAAAAAAAAAT?! I'll give you a moment to scroll back up the page and recap the things I said to this officer. At what point did I admit to the violation OR apologize?
Trying to remain calm I explained all of this to the officer. I explained that I never admitted to a thing, that he had harassed me about my address, that he changed his tune when he saw I lived there. I told him the teenager story and I explained to him that my car is not white. I also reminded him that I was in my driveway and out of my car when he pulled in to my driveway. That's four, by the way.
I told him my theory was that someone was either cruising around the neighborhood and he mistook my vehicle for his, or perhaps he was just looking to give out a ticket because there were complaints in that area. I also pointed out that I live on that street, travel it every night and at no point would I be flying through stop signs at 30 mph. (In the police report he adjusted my estimated speed to 25 mph).
Finally, I told him how the officer had told me to appeal.
All the man said was "That report seems pretty cut and dry. Read it again."
The officer that wasn't from my town or involved in the incident read it again.
"I think there is sufficient evidence, the officer says right there that you admitted to running the stop sign."
Trying to remain calm, but probably not doing a very good job, I said again that I did not ever admit to anything and denied running the stop sign.
"Well, it sounds like he was on a pretty routine patrol. He saw you do it."
"Saw me do it? He didn't even pull me over. I drove home and got out of my car!"
"Well, how long do you think it took him to gather himself and get to your home? Especially if you were going 25 without stopping."
At this point, the only thing stopping me from throwing this prick out a window was seeing the court officer's gun out of the corner of my eye.
"I wasn't going 25! I told you that."
"Well, were you going, maybe, five miles per hour?"
"No! I drove up to the stop sign, stopped, looked to the right and left and drove away. Did I sit there and hold my breaks? No. There was no one coming, at the very most I rolled forward to see around the corner before I kept going."
"Well, that sounds an awful lot like a yield. The law says you need to stop for a full three seconds at an intersection. And, why would you admit to it if you didn't feel he was correct."
"I told you I did not admit to anything."
"Well, it is in the report and if it comes down to it I am not going to call the officer a liar."
Yup. He through the 'full three seconds' driver's ed book at me. That is what we are dealing with here. A false confession, teenagers dressed in black and the three second rule. I was up four strikes on this guy and I lost.
I am pretty sure I entered a blind rage at this point, because I ended the hearing by simply saying "You know what? Fine."
"You can request a jury trial if you feel that this was unjust. There is a $50 filing fee."
"I'm not going to pay $50 to get out of a $100 ticket. Thanks, though."
"Do you need more than 20 days to pay?"
"Nope. Thanks, though."
"Who is next?"
Now, I don't know what I am more infuriated about. That the clerk was such a dick and ignored all of my points or that the officer lied on his report and said I admitted to the violation. You know what, though? I don't think it was either of them. I think the thing that pisses me off the absolute most is that I have to pay $100 because I didn't sit at a stop sign for three seconds. It is the ball busting. And that is what the police do. They bust balls. They sit around and wait for some guy on his way home from work to roll through a stop sign. Or for someone to take an illegal turn. I get it if somebody is flying down the street, pull them over, but don't bust my balls. And don't favor people who live in your town over people who don't. I get it, it is a white collar crime town and you can't catch the tax fraud or the parents who buy their kids booze until it already happens. But, you know what? Don't waste your time and resources busting people for stupid shit. Especially since, more likely than not, you weren't even looking for me. And if you do bust someone's balls, give them a fucking warning. Why does this have to cost me $100? You pulled me over in my own fucking driveway, after I got out of my car and you made me stand in the rain while you made a gigantic scene. You couldn't have just given me the teenager speech and told me to be careful? I got a lecture and a ticket. THIS is why people hate the police. They treat people like crap and they don't have any sense. I just hope that guy running stop signs at 30 mph in his white car made it home safe.
And don't give me the 'town needs money' crap, either. This town has the highest utility rates in the county and property taxes are through the roof. They are about to build a new police station. I should get to write this $100 off as a charitable donation.
See, I could have been a lot more angry about that. It is a good thing I didn't write it yesterday.
...
Bet you thought it was gonna be 'Fuck the Police'
Bet you thought it was gonna be 'Fuck the Police'
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