Let's discuss. Av has an uncanny ability to identify her whereabouts. Like yesterday when she knew we were around the corner from a pizza place that she probably hasn't been to in months or when she can point out the street before the street that takes us to the park. On the other hand, she frequently walks face-first in to door knobs and trips over her own feet in the living room. Genius or moron? Both? Neither? No. The answer is E., 2-year-old. They are like moron geniuses. I can't explain it in any way that will do it justice so I'll just stop trying.
One of the more difficult things to deal with recently has been the combination of her endless curiosity and her relative inability to wrap her head around most things that are explained to her. I suppose this is how you enter the 'why' phase, something I am finding out is not a myth like I had originally suspected.
We have a lot of conversations like this one, which began the other day after the, uh, 'special' man who wrangles the carts at Stop and Shop started randomly yelling at the sky in the middle of the parking lot.
"Why he do dat?"
"Ahhh, I don't know, he is upset."
"Why he upset?"
"Because something made him mad."
"Who made him mad? Why?"
"Ahhh, I don't know, maybe his boss."
"Why?"
"Maybe he doesn't want to bring the carts in."
"Why?"
"Because it is hot out."
"Why it hot out?"
"Because the sun is out today and there aren't any clouds."
"Why no clouds?"
"Because there aren't any in the sky."
"Why?""
(Insert on the fly, made up scientific 'fact' here.)
... and on and on until I distract her with crackers or grapes.
She also likes to ask what people are doing. All day. Not just us, either, random strangers are not spared. Thursday we were at the zoo and she walked over to some volunteer watering the pond side flower garden and just started asking questions. The only problem is that she doesn't process the information she is given correctly so the conversation just goes around in circles.
"What you doin'?"
"Oh, I'm watering these flowers so they grow."
"You have a hat on?"
"I do have a hat on."
"Why?"
"To keep the sun out of my eyes and my face."
"Why?"
"So I don't get a sunburn."
"Why, sunburn?"
"Yes."
"What are you doin? Waterin' flowers?"
"Yes."
"You have a hat on?"
-At this point I interject to spare the lady.
"Hey, buddy, come back over and finish your lunch."
"Hey... What you doin' waterin' flowers with a hat on?"
"Yes. I am watering flowers with my hat on."
"Why?"
You get the idea.
I suppose life can be pretty confusing when you are two, also evidenced by her inability to accurately understand titles and relationships.
A few weeks back we went to lunch and hung out with my boss, Joe, and his granddaughter, Mia. I am refusing to call it a playdate. Playdates are for cupcake-making PTO moms, not cool, stylish dads like myself. Now, Av calls Monica's parents Mia (or Mima) and Papa. Mia called Joe 'Papa.' This, as you can imagine, created several confusing moments throughout the day.
"Who 'dat guy?"
"That's Joe."
"Joe? Who Joe?"
"Joe is my friend. He is Mia's papa."
"Mima here?!?! Where is Papa? He workin'? Dat Joe."
...and so on.
Today we were watching Yo Gabba Gabba and there happened to be a segment involving skate board star (?) Tony Hawk. In her world, Tony, or 'Pony' as she says it, is the nice Italian man who does auto body work on my car. She knows Tony well, as well as Frank from Hertz Rental Car, because my car has been driven in to twice already this year. She associates skateboards with the man who lives downstairs, Steve, who I told her worked at the skateboard factory. (Steve is actually unemployed to the best of my knowledge, but as I have documented here many times, loves to skateboard in front of the house and paint skateboards in our basement. Saying he works at a skateboard factory is easier than explaining laziness as it pertains to the American welfare system). She also thinks that he is just like Steve from Blues Clues because he is always with his dog. In a way she is right. I mean, they are both unemployed. The only difference is downstairs Steve lives with a woman and two children and Blues Clues Steve lives alone and hallucinates a world where everything in his house talks to him.
Anyway, all of this means that seeing Tony Hawk skateboarding on TV created a paradox in her brain that left her confused and speechless. Was that car repair Tony skateboarding on TV? Or Steve from downstairs? Questions ensued. As you can imagine, there was no resolution to the problem. Thank God for short attention spans.
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