Episode 45: That time I wore a track suit to Target

Less than a month away from her first birthday, Av is really starting to develop and do some 'older kid' things. She can walk much better now, drink from a cup and all sorts of other little tasks that we all take for granted having perfected (most of them) over time. In conjunction with this, and as a result of my time spent supervising her during the day, I have also aged quite significantly. I would go as far as to say I have aged five years since last February, as opposed to her one.

As I have discussed here in the past, much of my life reflects that of a elderly gentleman, from my shopping habits to my car, but what I did last week even seems over the line to me. A little background. As the economy has taken a tough turn, my father took a part- time job at Sears around the holidays to make a little extra cash. Much in the same way his mother did when she worked at Sears back in the 60's, he took advantage of his employment and purchased many of his Christmas gifts from the store this year.

Included in my gifts this season was a shiny, silver track suit made by Nordic Track (remember them, from the treadmill commercials?). Now, I want to preface this story by saying that I really like the track suit. It is comfortable and an excellent thing to toss on when Av pulls my ass out of bed at 7 a.m. or when I am napping on the couch or having breakfast on a Sunday morning. This does not, however, make it OK for me to wear it out of the house.

If you know me well you know that people, especially women, wearing sweat pants out of the house after about 8 a.m. is one of my biggest pet peeves. Included in this are also pajama pants, wind pants and, yes, track pants. Take a little pride in your appearance and toss on some real clothes if you are going to go out. The only exception to this rule are old people. I give old people a pass because it looks like it must be pretty difficult to get dressed when your body is all misshapen from age and your bones are all tired and brittle. Plus, if you have to endure life for that long, you deserve to be comfortable.

Getting back to the story, last Wednesday I woke up with the baby around 7 and put on the track suit to begin the day. I was particularly tired due to a cold I was suffering from and I coasted through the morning with the suit on until it was nap time. Since I work Wednesday nights, I will typically avoid showering in the morning on Wednesdays and just hop in right before I have to go to work- but I almost always make sure that I look decent if we are going to go out still.

Av woke up from her nap and we needed an activity, so we decided we would go to Target to get her some food and a few other things that we needed for the house. Without thinking, I packed her up, grabbed my stuff and got in the car. Track suit and all. I realized what I had done pretty early on, probably before we were off of our street, but at that point it was already much too late to turn around and head back to change, as that would involve getting her out of the car and I wasn't doing that.

So, off to Target I went dressed like an athletic astronaut, wearing brown leather sneakers that weren't even close to an appropriate addition to the outfit and a baseball cap with furry ear flaps.
'It is 11 a.m. on a Wednesday at Target- I won't be the only one here dressed like an idiot,' I thought. 'At least I have my jacket on over the track suit top.'

I was right. I did have my jacket- my RED North Face ski jacket on over the silver track suit. Unfortunately, the track top was longer than the coat top, so you could still see that it was a two-piece suit- and I was still wearing the stupid leather sneakers and the ear flap hat. Other than the time I split my pants and had to sneak through Target with my junk hanging out, (details here: http://trialbyfireparenting.blogspot.com/2009/08/episode-4-one-where-i-almost-expose.html) this is the second most embarrassing trip I have ever made to Target.

We got inside the store, me feeling like an idiot, and I began to look around. I saw a lady in jeans, people in dress pants, women in skirts- even the old people and college girls were dressed appropriately. Dammit. Now, I know that literally no one at Target even noticed what I was wearing- let alone cared- but it still bothered me. What if today was the day some old dude drove through the front of the store and I was interviewed on the news. What if I bumped in to someone I knew? What if my car breaks down and I have to call AAA? Too, too risky. I didn't feel comfortable the entire time. Well, physically I felt extremely comfortable, but mentally I felt like a scrub. Figures. The one time I don't go to Walmart.

I am achy. My hair is extremely close to being more salt than pepper. I drive a Chevy Impalla. I wear track suits to the store. I am 80. I need to get back to school soon or I am going to die of old age in like a year.