This, of course, is not the only reason that I have been largely absent over the past few months. Monica is back to work and I am now 'parenting' (surviving) two children who are both younger than my laptop by myself for large portions of every day. This means that I am usually dealing with at least one child who is crying, eating, making a mess or needing something from me. And neither of them can seem to get on the same freaking page and at least need the same thing at the same time. Av is hungry when Luke needs a diaper change. Luke needs to eat at the exact moment that Av needs help getting the toothpaste on her toothbrush. Neither one of them are ever asleep at the same time.
Combine all of this with the fact that babies evidently do not like being put down (seriously, dude, I just have to take a dump. Chill in your chair for three minutes. Please. THREE MINUTES!) and it makes it very difficult to find time to blog. In fact, as I type this I am on very borrowed time. Luke is napping while Monica helps Av take a shower before she goes back to work and Av eats dinner. It could be 2015 before I actually finish this.
What it really comes down to is that I should be the one going off to work every day because Monica is much better at this than I am. Much better. That baby loves her. Doesn't much care for me. I do not smell as good.
I was inspired to write again today by reading an article about how parenting blogs have taken off and are evidently the 'new thing.' The story featured things like 'Conversations I have with my two-year-old" or "Reasons my Son is Crying" and the insufferably talentless Drew Mageary of Deadspin.com who has inexplicably spun his 'Dadspin' blog in to a book deal. Just remember I may only have around a dozen readers, but I consider myself the founder of this genre. Dad blogs would not exist without me. I am the Benjamin Franklin of Dad blogs. I'll never see the royalties. Story of my life.
Anyway, let's catch up on a few things I may have missed. Quite a bit has happened since the last time I posted. Some Russian pricks blew some people up at the Boston Marathon. That was a real jerk move on their part, but at the very least it gave every conservative anti-gun control Obama-basher and lunatic government conspiracy theorist a chance to pontificate on Twitter for a few days. Also, it gave the local news a chance to run some new graphics and beat a story to death with a crowbar.
#Fuckin' Obama.
Also getting pretty sick of the whole #BOSTONSTRONG thing. I get it. Unity and coming together and all that. There were a lot of great moments directly after the events, but people who go the 'LOOK AT ME' route with it are starting to get on my nerves a little bit. There is no reason for the coffee shop down the street to still be selling teal BOSTON STRONG sweatshirts two months later. Just send your $10 text message donation like the rest of us and keep quiet. Oh, and stop thanking police officers on Twitter. Police officers don't follow you on Twitter.
What happened was disgusting and the people who stepped up should be praised, especially first responders. But wearing your #BOSTONSTRONG headband to the gym doesn't prove anything.
There were some tornadoes that tore up Oklahoma and killed a good number of people on live television. That was a jerk move on Mother Nature's part, but not at all an unexpected one. It does raise a question as to why in a city that had already experienced the same tragedy twice before public safety leaders didn't have more of an exit plan or shelter for, you know, students who might be at school. I mean, sure, the tornado came on quick, but you knew it was coming at some point, right? And one of those schools didn't seem to have an emergency shelter. Kids were hiding under desks. I always wondered as a kid during bomb scares why we all just went outside and stood in the parking lot. Like, if the building blows up we are 15 feet away. We are still screwed. It is the same thing with the tornado. Hide in a closet? Under your desk? Ohhh, that's right, tornadoes only pick up one item at a time. If you are under the desk it will only pick up the desk. C'mon people. We are smarter than that. But, listen, I am not a city councilor or a school superintendent so I am not going to judge. It is really horrible what happened to those people. I know, I watched it live. That shit is terrifying. Again, text message donation sent. I will say this, I wouldn't move to Oklahoma if I were you.
#Fuckin' Obama.
Some stuff blew up in Texas. I don't know that much about this story, to be honest, but it sounds pretty horrible and it is almost definitely a direct result of Obamacare.
#Fuckin' Obama.
An 80-year-old man reached the summit of Everest. Good for you, man. I hope that at 80 I will still be able to complete feats of physical endurance. Because, you know, I do that now. Actually, if it wasn't for Obama... Ok, I won't murder that joke. I'll just leave it bleeding where someone can find it and maybe revive it.
There were all sorts of other things that happened, but most of them didn't register on my radar enough to really formulate my opinion on them. I do not like Justin Bieber. That is for sure.
On the home front things aren't that much different. We still have two children. Monica is back to work and I get thrown up on at least three times a day. Often times at 3 a.m.
I do really enjoy the NBC show 'Hannibal' which is a new drama featuring the familiar characters from Red Dragon and other novels in the Hannibal Lector series by Thomas Harris. I am obsessed with those books and their spin off films, though, so maybe I am just nerding out over the show like all you other nerds do with Game of Thrones. In any event, Mads Mikkelsen plays Lector as good or better than Anthony Hopkins did and Lawrence Fishburne is in it co-starring along some Brittish guy who is married to Claire Danes. And who doesn't like Lawrence Fishburne and Claire Danes?
Thanks to all who keep checking the site looking for new posts. If all goes well this should be a pretty fertile summer for the blog. Fertile? Not sure if that is the right term to use, but I'm not changing it. I'm not. I love you all.
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