Thankfully, though, she was just writing to remind me that my son Luke turned two-weeks old today and I had not yet taken the time to blog about it. Oops. I would like to sit here and tell you how busy I have been trying to get adjusted to a life with another child, catching up on sleep whenever I can, barely finding time to slide down a hastily-made peanut butter sandwich before one of my children inevitably needs something- kind of like that old Dana Carvey parenting bit from the 90's (remember him?) when he talks about how he hasn't washed his hair or brushed his teeth for a week because his kids won't let him have the time. But that's not really the case at all. I'm just lazy.
Don't get me wrong- I'm tired. I'm one of those people that requires more sleep than the average human as it is. I'm grouchy with anything less than 8-9 hours at night plus an afternoon nap (this is why I'm usually grouchy). So working until 1 a.m. most nights and being woken up periodically after I fall asleep doesn't help the cause. Still, Monica is up with him way more than I am and, for the most part, he really doesn't ask for much more than the basics.
My biggest fear going in to this was that I would have forgotten how to deal with a baby after four years. I was kind of right. Toddlers are jerks, but being able to talk to them and get a response- and the fact that they can move freely- makes most situations easier to deal with. Babies require you to pay attention to the absolute smallest detail no matter what you are doing. And if they have a problem they can't tell you what it is.
Everything has changed since Av was born. Different formula, different things to sleep in, different rules. Still, when the little guy comes out and you are suddenly in charge of keeping him alive 24-hours a day you kind of remember what to do. Don't feed him anything but formula, don't let that super heavy head of his flop around and don't fall asleep while you are feeding him at 4 a.m. I should write a parenting manual.
The most pleasant surprise has been that L-man, so far, is the total opposite of Av. From the second Avelyn came out of the womb she has been non stop. She cried for the first year of her life- straight. She is hyperactive, loud, fresh and disobedient. It is as true today as it was four years ago. If she ever ends up on 'Intervention' (likely) I can picture myself giving that interview at the start of the show when I talk about her childhood saying things like "Av was just full of life, she never stopped." or "We really had a hard time reeling her in right from the start." Then they will go on to interview her well put together brother who will talk about how they had a nice childhood growing up until she got to high school and ran around with the wrong crowd.
I think Luke slept more in his first two days of life than Av has slept in the past four years combined. He literally never cries. Unless you change his diaper or he is hungry and even then he doesn't get real pushy about it. When he is awake he just kind of looks around with this "This is it? Who are these insane people?" look on his face. In fact, after a couple of weeks, Av has still proven to be more high maintenance than the newborn. She still cries more, gives us more trouble. She is still non stop. Luke just looks at her with these giant eyes as if to say "Please, God, tell me this is not the sister I have been hearing about."
For her part Av has been very good with the baby. All of that jealousy stuff we were worried about doesn't really happen. She likes to help with him and hold him and tell people about him. It is Monica and I that she has a tough time dealing with. I think she will probably be a pretty good big sister providing she gets her shit together long enough to stay out of boarding school.
So, what have I learned now that my second and final child has arrived? A few things. First, I am old. I knew I was old anyway, but something about having that second child makes it more final. With Av I had a kid, but at least it was only one. We partnered around and did all sorts of stuff. Now that there are two I have to lug the whole family in to the car and in to the store and in to just about everywhere. You need to know where two people are at all times and you no longer just have ' a kid'- you have "kids." Way, way, way different. Before I was a dad. Now I am a father. Also much different.
I have also learned a few things about society. Even though I was home with Av every day before, I rarely watched daytime TV. Av and I love game shows, so we watch those, other than that it was either kid shows or nothing. Since Monica is home for a bit now and she couldn't really do much for the first few weeks I have dipped in to the strange world of mid-morning programming. I knew about the judge shows and the trashy talk shows and the Soaps. I know not to watch those. But what the Hell is up with morning news/entertainment shows these days? Between the Today show, whatever that show Regis was on that now features Michael Strahan (!) and some skinny bitch who looks like she hasn't had a sandwich in 15 years and local news morning shows it is a wonder that all of America doesn't collectively fork out their eyeballs on a daily basis. I mean this shit is completely unwatchable. I would rather watch the trailer trash fist fights on Steve Wilkos all day long than watch 15 seconds of any of these slugs interview a celebrity or make one sad attempt at covering a news story. Where did I go wrong in life? People actually like Mumford and Sons? I thought that was one of those things the radio pretended people liked. Like Bruce Springstein. Or Green Day.
Not sure how we got there, sorry I got lost again. The point is that we are home. My old ass has two kids. Lucas is very tiny but very strong. He likes to move his head around and try and crawl. Then he gets mad because he can't yet. The hospital experience was much better the second time around. They were nicer to us and the ratio of people who knew what they were doing to people who had no clue worked out much more in our favor. Plus, the support staff (janitors, food service, etc...) was a veritable freak show of American Idol cast off impersonators.
Most of all, I have learned that if there was an award for giving birth, my wife would be the hands-down winner. While every other mother in that hospital was whining and buzzing the nurses every 15 seconds, Monica was handling herself with class. Two days after the event she was walking around, lifting things up and, for all intents and purposes, running that shit. She never complains. Never whines and doesn't let being tired or sick slow her down at all. She is a champ and she should be recognized by someone other than me calling her a champ on a blog.
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