1. You realized that the raisins you found in your back seat are not in fact raisins, but grapes from about three weeks ago that have now dried and wilted. So, I guess technically they are now raisins, but not in the traditional sense. I didn't buy raisins.
2. I just got more excited than I have been in months when I learned that the crying that I thought was coming from Av's room a mere five minutes after I put her down for her nap was actually coming from the baby across the street. It was like Christmas morning when I opened that door and saw her still passed out. Yes! Free Internet time!
3. We went to Monkey Joe's today, mostly out of guilt from dropping Av off at her second day of school Monday, and in anticipation of her third day of school tomorrow (no, the teachers have not circled a smiley face yet). Unfortunately for us, we get an early start, and since most kids are now back in school we were the only two people there for about the first half hour. I kind of felt bad for Av because, lets face it, that sucks, but eventually some other kids showed up and I figured she would be excited and want to go run around and play. Not so. Instead, she spotted the man who repairs and collects money from all of the coin operated machinery, like the mechanical horse, carousel, sticker machine, photo booth etc... and followed him around the entire place like he was her grandfather. She never spoke, she never got close enough to touch him, she just followed him over and watched what he was doing. For his part he was a very friendly man and at one point was even going to give her a free ride on the horse but she decided she didn't want it. So, for $5 I spent an hour at Monkey Joe's. The first 30 minutes were spent following Av while she did laps around all of the equipment, never actually playing with or on anything, and the second half hour was spent learning what the insides of a coin-operated mall lobby ride look like. Then she sat down on the ground Indian style (she has never done that before, prof that she may have actually learned something at school) and said 'Daddy, bye bye.' So we left. Kids are so f-ing strange man.
It's hard to get a read on deaf people
So I'm at work last night, it is probably around 10 p.m. A nicely dressed gentleman comes in and orders a beer with what I believe to be some sort of exotic accent. He sits at the bar for a bit, orders a second beer and strikes up a conversation about our dart boards. he tells me that his girlfriend is a semi-professional dart player and they just moved in to town a few months ago and were looking for a good bar to go play darts at. Throughout the conversation the guy spoke of how he traveled extensively and moved often and the whole time I was trying to place his strange accent. He was white and didn't appear European, and it was certainly not a French, Spanish or Russian sounding accent. As time went on we were going back and forth about how he likes the restaurant but our dart boards aren't at regulation height. He said if we evened them out he would start bringing his girlfriend here to play darts and hang out. Somewhere along the line I got around to asking where the hell he was from.
"So you say you travel a lot, where are you from originally?"
"Oh, South Africa, but I haven't lived there in ten years. Most recently I lived in Mexico and then Boston for a bit."
"Ohh, I was trying to place your accent but I have never really heard anything like it before. Must be like a hybrid of all of the places you have lived."
"No," he said. " I am deaf. I read lips. That is why I don't respond right away all the time."
At this point I am pretty sure that he is kidding and making a mildly insensitive joke about deaf people talking weird. He spoke way to clearly and understood me way to well to be deaf. Sure enough, though, he showed me his ears. The left one appeared to be the victim of some horrible birth defect and was essentially just a closed up flab of skin on the side of his head. The right year was equipped with some NASA level hearing aid. This dude was all sorts of deaf.
It was at this point that I realized I have little to no experience with deaf people. Not since that deaf kid from CCD was on my basketball team in elementary school have I had to spend any significant time with a person who can't hear, and the only sign language I know I learned from Steve on Blues Clues and Marlee Matlin on the Baby Einstein videos. I had no clue how to act. I mean, deaf people are hard to get a read on, right? This guy was very well spoken, I didn't want to offend him by treating him like he was retarded, but at the same time, I felt like I needed to be sensitive to his deafness.
So, kind of like how Americans always yell at people who don't speak English because they think if they say it louder the Mexican lady at Dunkin Donuts will understand, I started to consciously enunciate everything I said. I spoke more slowly and tried to avoid big words and mumbling and I moved my lips more deliberately. That was when the deaf man said 'You know, it is actually harder for me to read your lips when you talk like that." He called me out on it. Unbelievable. That is not all though. It gets worse. When he was leaving he again said how much he liked the place. Now, when people do this I have a routine for talking them up. I tell them about the ever changing list of specials and some upcoming beers. I tell them that the kitchen is open late and that we are going to have live music starting in November. I am quite the company man.
'Yeah, we've got a lot of great stuff coming up,' I said. 'We're going to have live music starting in November, you should bring your girlfriend.'
I was about half way through that line line when I again remembered that I was talking to a deaf man. But at that point it was much too late to go back. I just said it, kind of squinted and braced myself for the response. What I did not do was try to make a joke to cover my ass like I usually would. At least I made one smart move.
"Ha. Yeah, I don't think I'll be coming here those nights," he said. "But be sure to fix those dart boards and maybe we'll be back."
"So you say you travel a lot, where are you from originally?"
"Oh, South Africa, but I haven't lived there in ten years. Most recently I lived in Mexico and then Boston for a bit."
"Ohh, I was trying to place your accent but I have never really heard anything like it before. Must be like a hybrid of all of the places you have lived."
"No," he said. " I am deaf. I read lips. That is why I don't respond right away all the time."
At this point I am pretty sure that he is kidding and making a mildly insensitive joke about deaf people talking weird. He spoke way to clearly and understood me way to well to be deaf. Sure enough, though, he showed me his ears. The left one appeared to be the victim of some horrible birth defect and was essentially just a closed up flab of skin on the side of his head. The right year was equipped with some NASA level hearing aid. This dude was all sorts of deaf.
It was at this point that I realized I have little to no experience with deaf people. Not since that deaf kid from CCD was on my basketball team in elementary school have I had to spend any significant time with a person who can't hear, and the only sign language I know I learned from Steve on Blues Clues and Marlee Matlin on the Baby Einstein videos. I had no clue how to act. I mean, deaf people are hard to get a read on, right? This guy was very well spoken, I didn't want to offend him by treating him like he was retarded, but at the same time, I felt like I needed to be sensitive to his deafness.
So, kind of like how Americans always yell at people who don't speak English because they think if they say it louder the Mexican lady at Dunkin Donuts will understand, I started to consciously enunciate everything I said. I spoke more slowly and tried to avoid big words and mumbling and I moved my lips more deliberately. That was when the deaf man said 'You know, it is actually harder for me to read your lips when you talk like that." He called me out on it. Unbelievable. That is not all though. It gets worse. When he was leaving he again said how much he liked the place. Now, when people do this I have a routine for talking them up. I tell them about the ever changing list of specials and some upcoming beers. I tell them that the kitchen is open late and that we are going to have live music starting in November. I am quite the company man.
'Yeah, we've got a lot of great stuff coming up,' I said. 'We're going to have live music starting in November, you should bring your girlfriend.'
I was about half way through that line line when I again remembered that I was talking to a deaf man. But at that point it was much too late to go back. I just said it, kind of squinted and braced myself for the response. What I did not do was try to make a joke to cover my ass like I usually would. At least I made one smart move.
"Ha. Yeah, I don't think I'll be coming here those nights," he said. "But be sure to fix those dart boards and maybe we'll be back."
Music.
I have been on a big White Stripes kick lately. Jack White is an asshole but, damn, that dude can rock.
And this is my favorite White Stripes song. A cover, yes, but a damn good one.
And this is my favorite White Stripes song. A cover, yes, but a damn good one.
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