I feel like at this point in our lives I need to start cracking down on letting her get away with things- especially the cheating at games. It is getting bad. She hoards berries in the neck of her Hungry Hungry Hippo and then says "On your mark, get set, go!" before anyone is ready to start playing, giving herself a head start. We have this squirrel game where you have to collect acorns and get all of the colors. She always cheats and ignores what the game board dictates, instead getting the color acorn she needs to complete her collection and win. When we go bowling she automatically gives herself strikes and spares so she can see the cartoons on the scoreboard. (This is particularly frustrating to a championship bowler like myself). Today has been another example of this as I find myself arguing with her over the new Jake and the Neverland Pirates game she tricked me in to buying. The game is tough, but you can win without cheating- she just won't.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, Jake and the Neverland Pirates is a totally unwatchable Disney cartoon based very loosely on the Peter Pan story. Instead of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, they have heterosexualized it up with some kid pirates led by their very macho hero, Jake, who take on the dishonest Captain Hook in a series of cartoon pirate capers. No ferries. No tights. Lots of swords and pirating. Still, there is a lot of singing (not very manly) and, predictably, not a lot of educational value. I am not sure how she ever ended up watching this to begin with, since it violates my ban on the Disney Channel, but I can promise you that On Demand has been mysteriously "broken" every time she asks to watch it.
Av: "Why don't you like Jake?"
Me: "Because you don't learn anything from it."
Av: "Yes I do?"
Me: "Yeah? Like what?"
Av: "Pirate stuff."
Great, pirate stuff. Cool.
The end of the show features these two pirate losers singing a song. It is the only part worth watching. I am pretty sure they were in the same band from the Freecreditreport.com commercials.
In any event, Avelyn has a cartoon crush on Jake and, thus, is a sucker for all of his merchandising. Give another point to Disney marketing. I told her that if she was a good girl at the dentist she could pick out a surprise at Target. I was thinking more along the lines of a stuffed animal or a box of crayons, but she seemed to think I meant the new Jake board game, which is eventually what we left with because I am a sucker.
We have been playing for over and hour and she is yet to play by the rules. The concept is that Captain Hook is laying on a hammock sleeping and you have to sneak in and get his treasure without waking him up. Because Disney likes to teach children how to steal. The hammock is suspended between two trees and every time you spin the wheel the game board tells you what tool you have to use to remove a specific piece of treasure from the hammock. The person with the most treasure wins. If you knock Hook off in to the lake, you lose. It is surprisingly difficult considering it is a game designed for kindergarteners.
Still, Av has continuously moved her guy (Jake) to the game board square that has the fish hook on it because it is easier to remove the treasure with the fish hook than it is with the sword or the shovel. In addition, every time Hook lands in the lake she refuses to surrender her treasure and start a new game, she just makes me put the treasure she hasn't yet retrieved back on the board. This is cheating and it is not cool.
The problem is that when I call her out on it all she does is laugh at me and tell me that I'm not good at the game. It is just like Hungry Hungry Hippos. Or Tick Tack Toe. I am thinking about lowering the hammer. Flipping over the game board or something. I just don't want her to end up being that girl we knew in high school. Unfortunately, knowing her mother as well as I do, I am not sure she has a chance.
At this age, though, it is time to instill some morals and some honesty in competition in to your children. Win, but win the right way. At the same time time, it is just a freaking board game, right? Like, Hungry Hungry Hippos is fundamentally flawed anyway. Three out of those four hippos get their necks jammed during the game and if you aren't on the world's flattest surface someone always has an advantage. And Jake the Pirate is teaching children all of the wrong things as it is, so who cares if she cheats? Still, if I let her cheat now she is going to be hiding in the bushes after track practice or slipping the new Candlebox cassette in to her purse at Strawberries (or whatever it is kids steal from the mall these days). Can you see the dilemma? CAN YOU?! There needs to be a manual for children.
T-minus 10 days. These cats are going to be so pissed when we bring home another kid.
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